Aimee Jones Milestones & Anniversaries

Happy 5th Birthday, Ginny!

Dear Ginny,

Happy 5th Birthday!! What a milestone! What a big girl – a whole hand! Daddy and I are so proud of you!

When I told your brother that your birthday was coming up, he got so excited. He couldn’t wait to go to your birthday party in heaven! I told him one day we would but we couldn’t go this year. He later drew the conclusion that we can’t drive to heaven… “so I guess we’ll have to walk,” he said. It feels like such a long walk to get to you. The Bible says that one day all that’s lost will be restored. Does that mean that one day we will get to experience your 5th birthday party? I don’t know, but it’s a nice idea.

Mostly I just wanted to hug you and kiss you and stare at you and look into your eyes. I want to brush your hair and watch you run and hear you laugh. I want to hear you sound out words as you begin to read. I want to see you dance with your daddy!

I so wish I could drop you off at preschool with your brother. You guys would run into the woods together. You’d push him in the big tree swing, and you would protect him. I wouldn’t worry so much with you two together.

I know you would love helping to take care of Addie. She’s just like a baby doll. We could play baby dolls together. She’d look at you admiringly just like she looks at Chet. And you two would be sisters the way that my sisters and I are.

What would’ve been! But that’s not how things are. I’m sad about that but not hopeless. I know you are fully free in heaven. My heart is full of love for you and for our whole family! Thank you for being our first born and big sister! We love you so much!

Love,

Mama

Aimee Jones Milestones & Anniversaries

5 Years Ago – The Day of No Heartbeat

Death Day Lament

Why did you, Lord? Why did you answer my prayer and then take her away?! 

Why did you see to it that my arms were empty? 

Why did my sweet new love have to be painfully pulled to my heart’s limit, one end pinned in place far away so I get no relief from the wrench?

Why does time not help?

Where did she go? Five years and I’m still looking for her. 

You took her, and she left an empty womb, an empty room, an empty year, an empty 5 years.

Anxious parents searching for their missing child. Endlessly counting heads, 2 not 3. 

How could we let this happen? We can’t let it happen to the others. 

We aren’t crazy; we are desperate – she is gone. 

How could this happen? I trusted you to keep us safe! I trusted you to bless us! 

This feels unsafe and unblessed. I guess I didn’t read the fine print “blessed are those who mourn”. 

I am blessed on the mount. I’m the Jesus kind of blessed. 

That is what I asked for, but it’s more than I bargained for. This isn’t what I thought. 

Oh the weight and glory of the kingdom of heaven! – oh the weight and glory of my small sliver of it!

She’s it. She’s the golden and silver and diamond thread in my life’s tapestry. Brilliant and stunning! Only could be woven by sorrow. Only could be woven by your hand, Lord.

A beauty that could only come from You… and ashes.